Really? I thought Socialization was a good thing?
Well, it is and it isn’t. Maybe the title should have been: Don’t socialize your dog WITHOUT MORE INFORMATION.
Most people think that socializing is taking your dog everywhere and letting them play with other dogs. Thinking that if you expose them to everything they will become used to, comfortable with everything. The reality is that they may actually become more worried or over excited about everything.
Instead of merely taking them places, think about and plan for how they are handling their experiences.
Instead of merely taking them places, think about and plan for how they are handling their experiences
If your dog is fearful, you may see behavior like:
- hiding behind you
- hanging back from sniffing or allowing petting
- barking at strangers trying to say hi to them
Your dog’s fear might not be related to people, but only to the environment (or both!). They would be hiding, hanging back, barking at unfamiliar things. They might also have a sort of non-adventurous mindset in general, wanting to stay home where they feel safe.
When dogs are fearful, what they need is confidence. If you keep trying to help then say hello while fear is underlying their interaction, you will be reinforcing fear, not benefiting them or helping them learn to be at ease.
To build confidence the dog has to feel like they have some agency. Some say in how things go. They have to feel they successfully handled the situation. If you are going to go on a roller coaster, you have to feel like you have a choice (to go or not). Afterwards, you have to feel a thrill of “let’s do that again!”
Some dogs are overly excited instead of overly fearful. This may look like:
- Pulling towards everyone and everything
- Jumping on people to say hi
- Rushing in towards other dogs and maybe jumping on them
- Lots of panting and drooling (this is really a sign of stress)
- Inability to relax, settle down
When dogs are hyper-greeters, they need neutrality and calmness. If you keep letting them say hello while they are hyper, they are learning that pulling, straining and jumping are the right things to do to get them what they want, and so these behaviors are being reinforced, as is the excited sate of energy.
Here are some tips for building confidence, neutrality and calmness:
- Stay at a comfortable distance. A distance from which your dog can try to be their best self. This might mean in the parking lot instead of on the main walkway of a shopping plaza, or way away from the bleachers or playing field to start with.
- Don’t let others enter that distance (think of it as a bubble) until the dog is ready
- Keep hellos (if/when they are appropriate for your dog) to one person at a time, not a group
- Teach your dog a calm “command,” aka a word and touch that they are taught to associate with calmness. Teach this in situations where they aren’t overwhelmed at first and slowly apply it more challenging situations to help them calm.
- Teach your dog an exit behavior, a way to turn and leave the situation with you, cooperatively, on command. This will help you get them out of a scary moment in a way they understand, rather than just being jerked or tugged away (which causes stress).
- Use your exit behavior to walk towards something/someone, “say hi” for 3 seconds then back out and take breath. Repeat, going longer than 3 seconds a bit at a time. This teaches the dog that a) they don’t have to cope for very long and 2) they did the coping successfully 3) that leaving and taking a breath is a good coping strategy.
- Learn to “read” your dog’s body language so you can see changes towards more comfort (or less) and help your dog accordingly.
- If your dog is super fearful, take short trips out and about, not long ones. Arrange with friends and neighbors to do some short and sweet hello/goodbye repetitions noted above.
- If your dog is super excitable, focus on calmness in easier situations first, gradually ramping up the amount of excitement.
- Don’t take your dog to crowded fairs or concerts until they can handle that.
- Don’t let your dog say hello to everyone (dog or human) even if the dog or human asks to say hi.
In all these interactions, observe your dog for growing comfort or discomfort/hyperness.
If you need help changing their behavior or feelings about interacting with the world, reach out to us and check out our training page.